January 24, 2012

Good morning - today is a happy day for Chip (my brother) and I. It marks the one year anniversary of our journey to health. As I type I am so blessed to be healthier than last year. I am not at my final goal weight, but after weighing this morning and loosing almost a pound, I am close! And isn't it just like satan to bring torment into the picture???

Before I woke up, I was in the middle of a bad dream. I was working in a church office and helping a friend work a new copier when I looked down and realized I had eaten 2/3 of a HUGE bagel with blueberry, cream cheese running down the sides without realizing I had done it. (Some of you probably think I am crazy and that is NOT a bad dream. It so was to me.) Now mind you - I'm in the dream and I wrapped the bagel quickly, but could hear people jeering and laughing, "look at what she's eating." I felt sick to my stomach, embarrassed and guilty. Then I woke up. How could I feel like that in a dream? Because I've been there numerous times in reality.

I was laying quietly thinking about the dream and felt very strongly that those feelings seemed so real (even when dreaming) because often that's our natural reaction when we fail. I thought about Adam and Eve - they must have felt that way as well. A lot of times when I was eating what I knew I should not, I tried to hide - then the guilt and shame of FAILURE AGAIN. I would eat late when everyone was in bed - in the middle of the night - on and on. I can say this today with freedom, I was the "fast food, drive thru Queen." Sometimes I would stop on the way home from work twice, as if once wasn't enough, but always found a trash receptacle before arriving home so no one KNEW. But I could never hide from myself. I would always make a fresh "commitment" the next day to eat what was right as my clothes were too tight and my blood sugar level escalating. Only to repeat the cycle on a regular basis. WHY? Because I never came to KNOW AND ACCEPT THE TRUTH about healthy eating. I had read, heard, listened - but never knew the truth, intimately, for myself. I had always failed at being healthy and had NO expectation other than failure. But a year ago - with a different motive - I tried one last time. The motive - I wanted to LIVE.

Today, eating healthy means LONG LIFE........NO PRISON........FREEDOM. That is one of the reasons I still quote Galatians 5:1 - "It is for FREEDOM that Christ came to set ME FREE. I will stand firm and no LONGER LET MYSELF be burdened AGAIN with a yoke of slavery." It reminds me that FREEDOM came with a price and FREEDOM is worth fighting for. I celebrate our military people and our forefathers. Today is a celebration of freedom from a different angle in my life - but FREEDOM none the less. If you're struggling today and want to eat and hide - EAT, but don't hide. Eat another piece of fruit or a little more protein. Fill your body with life-giving foods and weigh in the morning. ALWAYS weigh - as it will keep you to your course. Don't make excuses for not weighing - get on that scale and fight for your freedom.

Choose life and eat to live, PK

PS - Happy birthday, Chip!